Rants.

[Stephanie]

(01-04-2012 07:30 PM)michelle. Wrote:  

(01-02-2012 04:55 PM)Stephanie Wrote:  I went to Seattle with my bf and my family. We watched the fireworks and did stuff in Seattle. My family and I did it for the third year now but last year my bf asked me to be his gf at exactly midnight .....so we went again for our "celebration" of being together for a year.

I put " " around it because it really wasn't a celebration. I may sound extremely selfish but he's my only "real" boyfriend and I've been treated pretty crappy in the past by guys so I just figured since he's usually a romantic type that he would have something amazing planned. Nothing too crazy expensive but idk dinner or something by the Space Needle or tickets to see a movie or something cute but instead he just kept kissing me and acting like it wasn't a big deal. I went and spent 3-4 weeks (my entire college break) making a scrapbook of us and stuff. He seemed to love it but I just felt stupid realizing he really wasn't pretending to "forget" that it meant something. Anyways my rant is over I'm just pretty upset.

Spent New Years Day in Seattle doing stuff and then it hit me that school starts soon and I'm depressed about it all. I didn't get my dream 1 yr thing so I cried all the way home and most of the night. I'll probably even cry myself to sleep I'm such a pathetic person.

I'll spend the rest of my year in school and hopefully Michael won't have found someone else by then. Claims we'll be engaged before the year is over but I'm not sure if he even wants to after the show I put on the past weekend.

I mean I know I'm being unreasonable but I didn't know it was that hard for a guy to realize that his gf who takes dating VERY seriously just wanted something a little out of the ordinary like he did LAST YEAR at midnight. We discussed it and both agreed we wanted to date a while longer before taking that next step but idk why I just kinda imagined in my head since the very minute Michael asked me to be his gf in 2011 that 2012 would be something equally as special. It's like he's realized that he doesn't have to try anymore. Sure he gets me pretty things and material goods but it would be nice to have some effort that is more creative. idk I know that's mean but he's 26 I want romance since we're not even married yet for God's sake.

SO he thought he was being creative and sweet tonight by talking dirty and then ....I kid you not...I mean I KID you not. He thought it was romantic to make up for what happened by saying "Hey Steph go off your birth control and lets have a baby." I just kinda smiled cause I know he was trying but it's like "WTF are you seriously finding me pregnant at 21 and having no job, no college degree, still LIVING with my parents, and him barely making it month to month on his rent and bills PLUS a mother who doesn't really want us together and an extended family who hates me (for the most part) SEXY and my idea of a way to make up for a new years from the devil himself?"

Okay and to end my rant and top it all off, I wore a scarf and two coats all last night and since I have sensitive skin, my ENTIRE NECK to my collarbone is broken out in hives. I can't put anything on it because for some reason my body is immune to creams and nothing helps. I have to attend school in a few days looking like a leper. I'm just gonna go crawl in a hole and wither now I swear and please I'm not doing this for people to hate Michael or for anyone to feel sorry for me (unless you want to) ....I just needed someway to vent that I knew SOMEONE in this world would listen and understand.

Okay....thanks guys sorry for all of this. I'm gonna go clean the tears from my contacts and then to cry myself to sleep. Oh and now that I remember I nearly flipped a lid last night to make this entire experience just optimum.

I swear I almost watched Michael, myself or BOTH of us get shot by 4 black dudes last night trying to drive back to our hotel. Michael and I took one car and my parents and sister took the other. Michael is southern and so he's used to gangs and crap that are black. (promise no racism .... my bf is white and thinks he's black I swear so it's not about them.) Point is Michael just tries to start something by making a point to drive out in the middle of massive traffic into a crosswalk. I agree these dudes needed to get off the booze and start walking but the gang leader dude just flipped out and Michael ROLLS down his window and is like "Get to walking then dudes!" They hold up some gangster sign and his other buddies were looking like they wanted to go after us and then just left. I almost went to the bathroom in my pants. I'm a skinny, short, weak white girl and I just pictured having Michael dead in the street shot to death by some gang bangers.

....Michael didn't see the issue but this morning I read that 6 people were shot in Seattle. I almost lost control of my bowels again at that point.

I'm a mess ughhhh worst weekend in a while and I only got a combined 10 hrs maybe in the past 2-3 days of sleep. It's 1am and for some reason I can't bring myself to sleep. ughhh

I would like to help you, although I'm not too sure how. I can kinda relate to what you're saying about the whole wanting your one year to be special and all. My now ex boyfriend was very similar to yours, and kinda had the attitude that said, "I know I have you and you're not going to leave me, so I don't have to worry about impressing you." I hated it, but I just kind of overlooked it because I knew if I brought it to his attention, he was only going to turn it into an argument and complain about how I should just be happy with what I have. It's like, yeah, I can be happy, but it's nice to feel special every now and then. And I believe guys should at least be willing to do special things for their girlfriends every once and a while. It shows they care just as much as we do, you know?

But...it is what it is, I suppose. I would just try and relax, unless you really want to discuss it with him.
And his way of "being sweet" was pretty much nothing more than inappropriate, and a bit insensitive I think. I mean, yeah, he was kidding and probably just trying to "lighten" the moment, but there are much better ways to do so. It sounds like he probably does mean well, he's just not completely sure how to go about it.
Then again, that's just from my viewpoint.

(01-03-2012 10:07 AM)lashay12 Wrote:  i really hate when people think that they are better then me and reprimand me just because i want to express and vent my frustrations out. and its like they want me to just shut up and suck it up. but GUESS WHAT ITS NOT THAT EASY. Wont they try having a bad day then they see how i feel and then maybe they have some compassion. if not SHAME ON THEM FOR not being sensitive to others hurts and frustrations.


btw i like this thread

Ah yeah. I get where you're coming from.
It's best to just stay calm though. No reason to give them the satisfaction they're looking for by getting upset.

And I'm glad you like the thread.

YES exactly. idk I was just in a bad mood the other day and kinda went off on him about it. I mean I feel bad and everything but he's not really a jerk he's just unsure about how to balance me with his life because he's so used to sleezy girls who don't care if he's not around that much. He was married before when he was like 19 or 20 and basically got his heart broken by a cheating tramp of an ex wife. Not all that sure about anything anymore except I do love him. He acts like he's 12 most days and not 26 so it gets old fast.